Monday, August 29, 2005

Mike's drunken essay on Metallagher

Sometimes people get drunk at a Days Inn in West Allis, WI at 4 in the morning after a 5 plus hour road trip. Sometimes they throw and kick empty beer cases around the room, spin coat hangers for pure amusement, shout obsenities and slur sentences, fall into walls and other stationary furnishings. Also, sometimes their pants come off.


If you ever find yourself in a situation like this - we've found that if you bet them $40 ($20 per page) that they can't write an essay on Metallagher that they actually will sit down, keep quiet and turn in their homework...




"Have you ever experienced fruit stained shirts, ringing ears from metal rage, or hangovers on a Tuesday? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you’ve experienced a Metallagher show. Imagine a watermelon being smashed in your face as you get smoked in the groin by a grapefruit while watching “Blackened.” “Fade to Black” plays in your ears as an orange zings by your grill. “The Last Caress” plays as you take some chocolate pudding to the temple. The insanity is endless at a Metallagher show and guess what, it’s only about to get worse.


With the crowd masses growing and the catalog of Metallagher songs inflating, the possibilities are endless as this Twin Cities band reaches regional extremes. With shows booked in neighboring states like Wisconsin and well, Wisconsin, Metallagher, while only on their eighth show, have garneshed some regional attention.


The Minneapolis five piece, featuring members such as Lars Caserole and Kirk Hamsandwich seem to take nothing seriously but the music. Speaking of which, the music is played masterfully, just as Metallica had envisioned it, but with the legion of Metallica cover bands growing bloated, an added variable has been brought into the equation.


What makes Metallagher different is the fact that they don’t care. You could spit on their gear and shit on their van, and chances are, they’d pay a homeless dude to take a picture of them with it.


Metallagher are the future generation of cover bands, a smattering of precision without the grace. A fusion of comedy without the pretense, an innovation has been brought fourth that would seem futile to replicate and seemless to regurgitate.


A pseudo version of Prop comedian Gallagher fronts this band, and well that may not interest you, the hybrid of comedy/metal explosion most certainly will.


What started as a tipsy halled pipe dream of one Brench Toast, the fusion of prop comedy and metal has only begun to unfurl.


A market seems to have been tapped, a catalog of undiscovered fans has been relocated, and everywhere you turn, the word is spreading; prepare for a applecore to the jollypatch!


Punks need their bar band, girls need a little fruit in their lives, metalheads need their metal and softies need their political commentary. Whatever your agenda, Metallagher will deliver. Minneapolis boasts one of their soon to be greatest imports, motherfuckers, prepare to meet Metallgher," - ML

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